Romantic Relationships in Writing and in General

     As I mentioned very briefly a few posts ago, I find it very frustrating when the love interests in a story have very poor communication from the get go.  I don't understand how these relationships actually develop and are maintained if the beginning stages are already so full of miscommunications and an inability to clarify things! The start of the relationship is the easiest part! You're just getting to know each other and if you're compatible; there's not a great deal of emotional investment. There's no sunk cost fallacy to contend with. So why would you continue to pursue a dynamic that is already dysfunctional? It makes no sense to me.

     Honestly, I feel like a lot of this stems from a pervasive mentality that physical and sexual attraction are some of the most important considerations going into a relationship, when really they shouldn't be. I'm attracted to my husband, but a huge part of that is due to his personality, and he is, physically speaking, a nice looking man. If someone is looking for a purely physical relationship then you only need to consider physical attributes. However, physical appeal only gets you so far in a real relationship if your personality is garbage. Finding a good life partner requires finding desirable, lasting qualities in each other. People age. Accidents and medical upsets happen. Physical appearance is the least lasting quality a person has. It also, unfortunately, tends to be the most obvious. And because it's the most obvious, it's also the easiest to initially work with, so people invest in what they're physically attracted to, and then by the time they realize, "Hey, this relationship is kind of crappy." they've already put all this time and emotional effort into it and then you're contending with the sunk cost fallacy, or maybe just the complacency of familiarity. Relationships do take work. To keep anything functioning, maintenance is required, but something brand new shouldn't need a ton of extra work. 

    However, people aren't brand new. No matter their age, they're a collection of their experiences and genetic predispositions. Even newborns reflect the physical and mental health of their mother during pregnancy. Given all that, some people come from such different backgrounds that they lack the common ground and common goals necessary for a successful, long-term relationship. That being said, if the couple is actively trying to make things work, a lot can be overcome, poor communication included. 

    The problem is that in so many stories the couple isn't actively working on their relationship. Everything just magically works out for them because they're "made for each other", "soulmates", and "have such amazing chemistry". It's ridiculous, and it sets a bad prescient. People like stories about lasting love, they want it for themselves, but the formula presented in stories doesn't usually translate to real life. But good stories, be it via shows, movies, or books, make you feel real emotions and because it feels real it can be hard to fully separate those real emotions from the non-reality of fiction. 

    In real life relationships take work, because the joining of two lives will always require a bit of rearranging and change in order to function. You can't take two separate operating systems and force them together and expect them to run the same way they did before. It's the same with people. Working together (and a relationship is work, but it should be the best kind of work) requires compromise, love, and a desire and effort to face the challenges of life together. Unlike in so many stories, love doesn't solve every problem, but it does make continuing forward worth the effort.  

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