Love Triangles and Commitment

    I don't understand love triangles. Firstly, the name makes no sense. People use it to mean that two people like the same person. That's a love angle: two points connected to one other point. A love tringle would be if the first person likes the second person, who likes the third person, who likes the first person: unrequited interest between all three points. 

    Secondly, if you can't decide between two people, you clearly don't care enough about either of them. The only acceptable exception to this is if someone has way too much going on to engage in romance with anyone at that point in time, and I'm talking unexpected guardianship of small children levels of too much going on, or being the primary caregiver to a loved one who is slowly wasting away. Most of the time life is just life: you work, pay your bills, try to find time for friends and hobbies, etc. If you're just living life and can't decide between two people: let them go! All three of you deserve better! 

    As for the third-wheel in a "love angle", I don't really get how they can see the mutual interest the other two people have in each other and somehow think, "They'd be with me, if only.... blah, blah, blah." Get some dignity and self-respect. If they actually wanted to be with you, you wouldn't be the third wheel! You deserve better than being someone's fall back. Also, stop feeding the feelings. Maybe you can't control your initial attraction or interest in someone, but you definitely can decide whether or not to feed that spark. Sparks don't cause fires unless they find fuel! 

    It really annoys me that people say things like, "You can't control your feelings!" Yes you can! Or at least you can control your reactions to your feelings. In fact it's one of the first life skills that small children need to learn: to process their emotions in a way that is safe for them and those around them. Being around an adult who never learned to control their emotions, especially their anger, is scary. It makes you feel unsafe. Romantic feelings are similar, in the sense that no spouse or significant other will feel safe and secure with a partner who did not learn how to control and curtail their romantic interest in others. Ages ago I came across a quote that went something like, "If you're with someone, but you fall in love with a second person, be with the second person, because if you really loved the first person, you wouldn't have fallen in love with someone else." At the time there was something about it that bothered me, but I really couldn't put my finger on what it was.  Now I think I can articulate why that is such a stupid thing to say:

    If you're in a committed relationship with someone you need to be 100% committed. No exploring options or leaving yourself open to explore possibilities. You were supposed to do that before entering a committed relationship. If you figure out that the relationship isn't going to work, for legitimate reasons, then exit the relationship. And when I say legitimate reasons I mean, abuse, incompatible world views/direction, including, but not limited to: finances, religion, wanting kids/kids free, not being able to agree or compromise on life choices such where to live, whose family to spend holidays with, boundaries with family members and friends, etc. Getting bored is not a legitimate reason. Being stressed is not a legitimate reason. Those are excuses. Anything good thing in life is probably going to involve a bit of both as you endeavor to obtain and then maintain it. If you quit a relationship because you're bored or stressed, then you weren't really committed in the first place. 

    Sometimes good things are boring. When you're in the minutia of pursuing your goals and dreams things often get repetitive or dull. Time can seem to drag between the exciting milestones. That is normal. It does not mean something is wrong. Stress also, is a normal part of life, although the causes can vary wildly in both severity and type. Stress, like emotions, is something we are supposed to learn to deal with in a decent manner while growing up, although I realize not everyone has that opportunity. Still it is a necessary life skill, so it's important to develop no matter your age. Some of the best de-stressors are exercise or doing something a bit dissociative, like reading, watching a movie, or gaming. Social engagement can also be good, for those who do not find that to be a stressor in and of itself. Creative endeavors can also be good: maybe some light sketching or just doodling, knitting, or solving a puzzle. These are also all good ways to deal with boredom. There are many ways to alleviate stress and boredom that do not involve making your significant other feel justifiable insecure in your commitment to them. 

    Sorry, that went from my general annoyance with love triangles into bit of a rant. These are just a couple things that really aggravate me. Obviously. I just feel like one of the downsides of modern casual dating culture, is that it has downplayed the seriousness of being in a committed relationship, particularly marriage. But that's probably enough of my ramblings on this topic for the time being.

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